Jeremiah 29:11 “for I know the plans I have for you, declares the lord. plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
This verse is so commonly used at baby dedications, baptisms, high school and college graduations… that I think we forget how it applies to us at all points of life. My last post talked about my plan vs. God’s plan and this one will be piggybacking off of it.
This is Mother’s Day weekend 2017. I have two children, one almost 4 and the other recently turned 2. My kids are my everything. The thing is though, I never thought I would only have two. When my husband and I were first engaged we talked about having five kids, and after having my daughter we laughed that number off. Aside from the swollen everything and back labor, my pregnancy with my daughter was perfect. My son on the other hand nearly cost me my life as well as his. Weekly scheduled doctor appointments and spontaneous trips to the ER/LD because of severe pain, pains so sharp that I could not breathe or stand. My placenta constantly ripping and not growing enough, blood clots threatening any progress made, 9 weeks of contractions; I fully expected him to be born into my arms with his heart already in heaven. Words don’t express the joy and relief I felt when he was born breathing and ready to start nursing.
At my six week checkup I was told I can’t safely carry another baby, that there was almost no way I would survive another experience like the one I had just overcome.
I spent so many times crying in my car, not understanding why God was tormenting me with the fear of losing my son. Now I sat crying that my choice to have another baby was being taken out of my hands. But God wasn’t tormenting me- God’s word had clearly written passages to grant me peace and reassurance, but the fearful words that the enemy fed me shouted so much louder than those holy words.
So why am I sharing this with you years later? I’m sharing this now because in the back of my mind I always thought I would prove my doctor wrong and have another healthy beautiful baby, and continue growing my family. I was choking on denial for years. On Thursday May 11th my husband had a vasectomy. My chance to prove my doctor wrong was suddenly gone. But truthfully speaking, what my husband did was selfless and brave. He knew he was protecting me from another 9 months of pain with a possibly fatal ending. Earlier on in the week as I was crying to God about the upcoming appointment that would change my future, I was reminded of Jeremiah 29:11. I was reminded that God had a plan for me and my family and that this verse is a living piece of the Bible meant for more than just graduations.
I know I can adopt, and I know there is even a possibility of having this procedure reversed. What I don’t know is if either of those options are God’s plan for my family yet. What I do know is that this verse is giving me peace. Sometimes God doesn’t answer our prayers the way we want; but he always answers them with a fruit of the spirit in his hand. For me this week he’s given me love and peace.
So to all my mom friends out there who are caught up in what’s organic, breast vs. bottle, cloth vs. disposable, worrying if your house is clean enough or your husband is happy enough, worrying if you’re doing a good enough job throughout the week, feeling guilty for yelling over something small, dreading those dirty dishes… for Mother’s Day I want to give you a simple reminder that God has a plan for both you and your family. I want to remind you that God has a plan for you to prosper and not be overwhelmed by present tasks and future obstacles. I want to remind you to have hope on those long days when you are struggling. For any Mom out there, you are amazing. Happy Mother’s Day!
Xoxo, The Noble Life