Today I am able to lay in bed, reflect on my life and say something I thought I would never say: I LOVE being married! Perhaps my enthusiasm stems from the first few years of my marriage being painful, difficult, and full of tests. Now, entering our sixth year of marriage we are able to gush over how in-love we are! It’s like we’re finally in our honeymoon stage and every time Kody holds my hand I get butterflies (insert squishy cute kissy face emoji).
So what, why would I start a blog post telling you that after six years I’m able to enjoy my spouse and the life we have? Let me break it down: for years I kept telling myself that Kody and I would make it, that every trial we faced, every hardship we endured – would all be a powerful testimony some day. I was convinced that God allowed us to walk through some deep valleys so we could help pull couples out of those deep dark places in the future.
I was right.
God has hand crafted us as individuals and as a couple to help not only each other, but also those around us. At first I felt foolish to share our story, thinking that the couples who had been together longer than us should be the ones giving out the marriage advice. I let the fear of being too young and inexperienced hold me back from helping those around me. I was silenced by this fear until one day I looked up from my bubble and noticed that marriage has been made into a negotiable joke. I realized not many people hold on and fight for their marriage the way that I had fought. I couldn’t help but think to myself “this isn’t biblical” and felt the urgency to share some of my darkest moments.
I have friends and family who so openly believe that marriage isn’t a sacred bond, and that it is just supposed to make you feel good. Then, when it doesn’t feel good anymore you part ways. Have you ever been so angry at what someone said that you literally wanted to slap them without warning? Like, oh sorry the words you just spoke should have been your warning! (Sorry I’m a little aggressive) That is exactly how I feel when people try to justify divorce. I just want to scream! How can you call yourself a friend if you’re not encouraging them to save the (Second) most precious thing they have? (The first obviously being their relationship with Jesus Christ) I FIRMLY believe that marriage is full of ups and downs, hills and valleys. It is our job to love God first, and our spouse second. If we love in that order and we love our spouse in a pure and Godly way, those valleys aren’t so dark! I wrote a short Facebook post about this, I have written a few short posts actually because I have been so passionate about it lately!
There are so many books you can read, so many devotionals you can do, so many therapists you can see- but if you both aren’t in it, all those resources are worthless. Marriage is about teamwork, sometimes you’ll be the one doing the heavy lifting and other times you’ll be the deadweight, but if you both have a common non-negotiable, you will persevere. As christians we need to be that shining light, the salt of the earth. Our personal relationships with Christ should be so strong that it first overflows to our spouse then our children, then our neighbors and our community. Imagine if instead of matching the divorce rate of the world, we were actually set apart in terms of statistics.
Husbands- love your wife in the same way Jesus loves the church.
Wives- respect your husbands (not in a degrading he’s the boss kind of way but in an it’s 2018 we are equals but he’s still the head of the household kind of way).
I promise you that these two things are a healthy foundation to keep. Learn your spouses love language so that you’re not waisting your time showing them love in a way they cannot receive it. Learn your own love language! Maybe the reason you’re feeling so un-loved and upset is because you don’t know where to get started or what would even make you feel better!
Really take a neutral look at your situation. From a non-biased opinion, what is wrong with your marriage? What needs to change? What can YOU change? For us, moving almost 1,000 miles away from our family so that we only had each other really helped us grow closer to one another. We’ve learned to lean on each other instead of our parents and siblings. We’ve learned that there is no where to go for dinner when you get in a huge fight and need space, so we have had to learn how to resolve things quickly. We’ve become each others best friend again!
Are you having a hard time keeping God at the center of your marriage? Make it a priority to spend time with God together. The YouVersion Bible app has a phenomenal selection of marriage devotionals that you can do together. There are also a lot you can do yourself to become the husband or wife God has called you to be! Let’s face it, no one really wants to be insecure and impatient, or prideful and ashamed. If we can worry about being the best child of God we can be, and we focus on being a vessel for Jesus, our marriages will be stronger. Before you know it people will look at you and say #couplesgoals!
Struggling to reconnect with your spouse? Been there! For a long time my husband was a stranger to me. If you’re a female find a woman who you can talk to that will give you Godly advice, and if you’re a male find a man of God who can help you through this season. Of course I am just a message away if you want to reach out to me!
I’m not sitting here saying that our marriage is perfect, but I have grown to love our love story and if Nicholas Sparks ever approached us to write a novel and make a movie about two young teenagers falling in love, who grew up to get married and almost divorced and then by the grace of God fell back in love… I’d totally give him permission! (haha!) I hope this post brought you some perspective and boldness, I am praying for the marriages that are broken to be restored by God’s love and grace!
“When a man finds a wife, he has found a treasure! For she is the gift of God to bring him joy and pleasure. But the one who divorces a good woman loses what is good from his house.” Proverbs 18:22 TPT
- If you are reading this and have said to yourself “I shouldn’t fight for a marriage that hurts me” because you are a victim of domestic violence- please call The National Helpline 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
The Noble Life